he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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