please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
