then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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