o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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