sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize