are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
