She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
