I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
