I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
