He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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