when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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