this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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