whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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