Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
