If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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