Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
