dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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