Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
