Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
