It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
