Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
