Sry I called you an 8
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
