It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
