Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
