Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
