dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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