I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
