the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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