are you still at the devil's house?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
