my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
