i would punch a child for taco bell
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
