i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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