There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
