If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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