I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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