i jhust puked up my retainher.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
