dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
