Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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