swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
