non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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