I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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