I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
