Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
