the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
