evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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