Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
