Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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