then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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