Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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