six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
