My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
