So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
