i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize