I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
