I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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