1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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