Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
