how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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