if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
only if we run a train.
done.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
