my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
