My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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