I saw his package. It spoke to me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
