I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
